Always Yours
by BoxOfTrinkets
Summary: You take off your jacket and pick up your keys. Your not going to her wedding. And you know she'll know why and you know she wont mind. Because you'll still be with her. You'll always belong to her. SEDDIE


You watch her spin around in her dress, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears of joy and you smile when Carly shrieks about how beautiful she looks. And you agree, she does look beautiful. And the white dress that highlights her golden hair and makes her eyes shine only adds to her beauty. She doesn't look at you and you feel slightly ashamed. Today shouldn't be a day for guilt, and you wish she would look at you in the eyes when she asks how her dress looks, and how she beams at the fact that her wedding is the exactly one year after yours and Carly's. You smile at the thought. It's almost funny.

You watch Carly take her hand and gush over the rock on her finger for what feels like the millionth time. You hear her exclaim how he's a lucky man and you silently agree. He's a very lucky man, and you want to simultaneously kill him and at the same time shake his hand and congratulate him. You watch her smile and you allow an emotion you never allow to surface. You realize you miss her, and you don't want to marry him.

You aren't sure the exact day you fell in love with her. You think it was some time between watching her face fall as she told Carly she knew Jonah asked to kiss her and kissing Carly for the first time and feeling nothing.

You watch Carly mess with her hair, holding it up differently to see what looks good with the dress and you remember the first time you actually felt your tender friendship with her blossom into a warm feeling uncurling in your chest in the form of a soft kiss on your darkened fire escape. You remember watching her walk away after declaring your mutual hate for each other and you wanted nothing more than to call her back and kiss her again and again.

Your friend ship with her is different after that. There's no more venom when you fight, and she doesn't mercilessly tease you on camera anymore. She includes you in the shows and she actually presses the button on her remote to give you applause now and again. You are rewarded with more friendly slaps and you welcome each one, mustering up your courage to give her one back and are pleasantly surprised to find that she doesn't kill you.

Things seem to change after you are nearly killed by the taco truck. You remember the pain and the thundering in your head as you hit the sidewalk and you remember the chorus of her and Carly screaming and as Carly was on the phone she knelt by your head and whispered not to worry, that it was going to be all right before she squeezes your hand and leaves, her sneakers pounding on the pavement. She leaves you there with Carly's cries and you didn't learn later that she left you with her because she thought you would want her there instead and you don't get to tell her you wanted her to stay for another few years.

Things change even more when you and Carly give your relationship its first try. She gently reminds you of the bacon analogy, and doesn't even mock you with conviction. She seems genuinely concerned at the fact that you are being strung along, and you allowed yourself to bask in the first positive affection she's ever shown towards you to care that you didn't really care about Carly like that at all.

She's back to her old self after you and Carly call it off. You grow bolder around her, teasingly telling her if she loves you to just say it, silently begging her to declare her love for you but settling for the playful "nyeeh!" that you get instead, telling her you think she'd make a real pretty bridesmaid and loving the blush that colors her face as you smirk at her.

You remember how your world came crashing down for a split second after you walked into what seemed like a solid wall of thin air and she declared that she would've killed Spencer if she didn't have a tiny crush on him. Spencer? You have no idea how to compete with that and you feel your heart break for a second.

Your pain is only furthered when she willingly offers your lips to the psycho that has you locked in her basement and when she sits back and enjoys the uproar she causes amongst nerds when she tells them you and Carly are in love. You almost lose your faith and as much as it kills you, you force yourself back into tentative friend mode, telling yourself to move on.

It works until your junior year in high school, and you have your first serious girlfriend, a beautiful brunette cheerleader named Clara Waters.

"Freddie she's beautiful." Carly beams as you watch Clara flip and scream at the football games.

Carly loves Clara and they trip out on how much they look like each other, something that Sam doesn't miss and you notice how her face falls as she fingers a strand of her blonde hair with a sad look and you suddenly want to tell her that her hair is beautiful but you bite down on the words. Instead you wrap your arms around the safety of Clara's hips and don't look at her anymore because you cant handle it.

She gets a boyfriend shortly after that, a tall, sandy haired boy named Johnny Rangel. You hate Johnny, with his attractive voice and his ability to play the guitar and his wide and slanted brown eyes that she's always staring into. You shake Johnny's hand like the gentleman you were raised as but she catches the sarcasm in your voice and her glare cuts through your very soul.

One day you walk into Carly's apartment to find her and Johnny on the couch, her sweater open to reveal the slope of her breast barely concealed by a frilly pink bra and her hair a mess, her eyes fluttering open and shut as Johnny's hand is venturing down her jeans and his mouth suckles her neck.

You are mesmerized by the rise and fall of her breast and before you can assess how wrong it is that your getting off on watching your best friend and her boyfriend frolicking on a couch her eyes open and widen in shock, her mouth hanging open and her hand stilling on the top of Johnny's sandy hair as his mouth travels closer to the rise and fall of her chest that still has your attention and you close your eyes and leave, leaning against the door and willing your erection to subside before you return to your own apartment.

A week later you lead Clara to your own couch, knowing that Sam is coming in fifteen minutes for help on the homework she requested and, in what you tell yourself isn't revenge, you kiss Clara with everything you have, plunging your hands into her brown curls and keeping your eyes shut as she moans against your mouth lest you open your eyes to see Clara's brown eyes and it shatter your illusion.

As it turns out she is late and you manage to get Clara on top of you, her lean legs straddling you as you stare at her underwear that is across the room and you try to remember where the rest of your clothes went and she moves her body over yours and your suddenly lost in your first time, and she is temporarily lost from your mind.

Until your so unbearably close and your front door opens and you look up into her huge blue eyes, overly glassy and wide and you cant move, even as Clara buries her teeth in your neck and moans and shudders around you and your own climax threatens you cant tear your eyes away from her face and her heart broken expression and she leaves, her curls the last thing you see as the door closes softly and you shut your eyes before coming and telling your sweaty girlfriend she was wonderful.

She breaks up with Johnny a couple of days after that, telling you and Carly that he just wasn't doing it for her anymore. You meet her eyes when she says this and you know she's lying through her perfect white teeth but you don't say anything as you listen to Carly's speech about fish in the sea or some other bullshit.

You decide to keep Clara around, not because you lived for the slight pain you saw in Sam when she was around, or so you told yourself. It was like having a second Carly around.

You don't break up with Clara until you come to Carly's after school one day close to the end of your senior year in high school to find Sam curled up on her couch, still in pajamas with tears running down her face. You instantly drop your bag and sit next to her, not thinking about it for a second before you drape an arm around her and she melts into you, fresh tears streaming from her eyes and you ask her what was wrong.

She hesitates for all of a second before she tells you that Johnny cheated on her and your vision blurs with hate and anger. You remember the looks she would always give him, looks that bordered on adoration and yet he had the fucking nerve to cheat on her. You don't answer her, you don't need to. Instead you rearrange her on your lap and you hold her like a child and stroke her hair and let her cry into your shoulder. Her tiny white hands clutch at your shirt and you rest your head on hers, guilt suddenly bubbling hot in your stomach and you know you don't deserve to comfort her the way you did, and knowing when you touch her the tears of her betrayal are mixed in with the betrayal she felt when she walked in on you fucking your girlfriend.

She slowly lifts herself off of your lap, slowly arranging herself so her legs rest on either side of you and she straddles you in a way similar to how she watched you and Clara. She leans in and rubs her nose against yours. "You're my best friend Freddie." She tells you and you almost smile and your hearts pounding and before you can stop yourself and before you can think about that fact that you have a girlfriend you reach up and grab her face and you kiss her.

At first she is still, her head jerking back with a muffled "mmpf." before she responds and kisses you back, her hands coming up to tangle in your hair. You bite at her bottom lip and she gasps and you take advantage of her open mouth to plunge your tongue in, exploring every curve of her mouth and tasting the faintest hint of ham layered underneath the taste that is uniquely _her _and drowning in the familiarity of the kiss though it feels like the first time all over again.

Your hands rest on her hips and they reach up to touch the hot skin of her back under her shirt, her skin so soft and inviting and you find yourself wondering how you could have ever thought her frightening when you were younger. You move your hands to her hair and you sigh, her soft curls finally in your hands and your tangle them around your fingers as she whimpers into your mouth.

Your phone rings and she immediately pulls away from you, her face a mask of despair and you realize she must know Clara's ring tone and she gets off of you and leaves, picking up her pillow and heading up the stairs. You answer your phone and break up with Clara right then, you don't offer her any other explanation other than she doesn't feel right anymore, and you hang up on her cries and curses.

Neither of you mention the kiss and you manage to get through your entire senior year in high school without a nuclear meltdown from either of you. She dates frequently, as do you, but there no one serious, and you don't sleep with any of them. And as though some unspoken agreement between you two you don't allow her to see even a kiss pass between you and your current fling and she keeps her indiscretions off of Carly's couch. You still fight with her and she still verbally abuses you but its lined with the undercurrent of fondness and each insult is delivered with a smile, and you settle into content.

Until your college acceptance letters arrive and you realize that she got into the college of her dreams, on the other side of the country. And you spend the night on Carly's bed crying with her and Carly as you realize that time is moving forward and you have to let go of some things.

The cloud of dread hangs over all of you and Spencer throws you a surprise graduation party, and your smiling again. You laugh with Gibby and how he's somehow managed to become a starting quarter back at the university and you smile and hug Carly all night as she constantly wipes tears from her eyes and tells you she's so proud of you.

You don't see much of Sam until the night is almost over and she finally comes up to you, looking radiant if somewhat sad in the emerald green dress you know belongs to Carly. She doesn't say a word and she takes your hand to lead you up the stairs into the spare bedroom the shays keep on the second floor. She leads you to the bed and you sit next to her and she reaches to take your hand in hers.

She proceeds to tell you what you mean to her, how you're her best friend and how Freddie I know how we were but we were kids and Freddie your so smart and I'm going to miss you Freddie and I'm so sorry and that kiss Freddie I meant it but we cant but I know we cant because I'm leaving but-

She stops, reaching up to straighten the collar of the shirt your wearing, I love you Freddie she says, biting her lip and running her hand down the side of your face.

I love you too, you tell her softly, your hand coming up to mirror hers on your face and you feel her cheekbone under your hand and her smooth skin and her eyelashes resting on her face and you tilt her face up and you softly kiss her.

Though you've only kissed this girl twice before in your life she immediately responds, opening her mouth for you and wrapping her arms around your shoulders to tug you down so you rest on top of her and suddenly her hands are everywhere, pulling at your collar and running down your arms and you feel her eagerness and you reach behind her, your mouth never leaving hers as you find the zipper on her dress and tug it down, gently slipping it off of her and a moan tearing from your mouth as the realization that she has on nothing underneath sets you on fire.

You don't have time to geek out on the fact that she's been wanting to sleep with you all night because her hands are busy again, unbuttoning your shirt and shoving it off your shoulders and you leave her mouth to kiss along her jaw and nibble down to the slope of her full if small breasts, mentally marking them as yours as she pants and whines above you.

You lean back up to kiss her and her hands, fumbling with need and what you can imagine is nerves as she undoes your belt and pushes your slacks off of you, leaving you naked and hard and you press yourself into her, moaning into her hair as her fingers scrape trails down your back.

Her lean legs wrap high around your waist and her meaning couldn't be more clear and you kiss her one more time before resting your weight on your forearms on either side of her head and you press into her none too gently, her actions and eagerness leading you to believe she has done this before.

You are proven wrong when a strangled cry escapes her and her face scrunches up in pain. You stop your actions and stare down at her in wonder. "you've never, no one-?" You cant finish your question and, her face still contorted in pain she shakes her head, waiting for the pain to subside she finally opens her eyes and answers. "No one but you."

Your head spins with her words and you want to stop, the guilt of hurting her almost to much for you but she moves her body and pulls you in until you are fully sheathed in her and are panting heavily into her hair.

"I love you Freddie." She tells you over and over as you begin to move, to pound into her and mark her as yours with each move. She soon begins to move with you, meeting your every thrust with muffled declarations of love and filth and she flips you over, riding you almost mercilessly, moving above you like she's dancing and your mesmerized by her every movement.

You clutch her hips as your climax rushes towards you and you struggle to hold on just a bit longer when she suddenly leans down to capture your mouth again, her legs squeezing you as she releases a muffled cry and you come with her, your own shout lost in her mouth and she slumps against you, her long hair covering you and you lose your fingers in it, memorizing the texture and color.

She tells you she will always love you. You tell her you will always be hers.

You spend the night with her in that room, making love and kissing and sleeping and whatever else took your fancy. You didn't see much of her that summer, she was off doing the summer program for her university and you had fencing.

You don't see much of her for the rest of two years. Until she came home three months ago with a ring on her finger and the sparkle back in her eyes.

Which brings you back to where you are, watching her smile as Carly finishes her hair and hands her a bouquet of roses, telling her that he's waiting for her and how she loves her and how she's so happy for her. You watch her face light up with nerves and she straightens her dress and you feel a flash of remorse knowing she has grown up, and the girl you held was gone.

She's about to leave the small room your in and head to the church when she stops and finally looks at you. She walks up to you and you look down at her. She leans up on her little shoes and kisses your cheek.

"I'll always love you."

The words are like knives and you have to swallow before you answer her. I'll always belong to you.

She smiles sadly and you kiss her forehead and hand her to Carly, who takes her hand and leads her out. You don't watch her leave.

You take off your jacket and pick up your keys. Your not going to her wedding. And you know she'll know why and you know she wont mind. Because you'll still be with her. You'll always belong to her.


End file.
